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Be That Friend
by Marnie Pehrson

Have you ever felt like you were all alone? That nothing in your life seemed right and there was no light at the end of the tunnel? Those who face serious illness, financial setbacks, loss of loved ones, or even roadblocks in trying to achieve their goals and dreams often feel totally alone in their darkest hour.
Usually, I write about ways that we can help ourselves through challenges like this - like calling upon God, having faith, reframing the situation, looking for the silver lining, and basically hanging on until the light comes. But today, I'd like to talk about what you can do when you have a friend or loved one who is going through these types of challenges. How can you be there to support them and back them up?

Listen to them
Sometimes all you need in your most challenging moments is a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Really listen to your friend or loved one. Ask them questions to help them verbalize and think through solutions to their problems. If you listen carefully, you can often find the root of the problem. By asking the right questions and letting them talk it through, they'll be able to discover their own solutions. My strategist/coach, Jenette Zubero whom I fondly refer to as the Question Lady, has taught me the power of the interrogative statement. She says, ''I never give advice; even if a client asks for it. This may sound stringent, but I believe that giving advice is a huge disservice to my clients. I believe that clients can find their own answers and that when they find the answer, it will be infinitely better than any advice I could have given.''

Empathize
Although you may have never experienced the exact problem your friend or loved one is experiencing, you most likely have endured something similar. Your friend may be having doubts about decisions they've made. Your friend may have started a business that isn't taking off, and this could be causing a lot of stress for them. Even if you've never had your own business, you may still have experienced similar moments in your life where you doubted yourself, doubted your decisions, and even doubted your own self-worth. You can draw upon those feelings you had in your challenges to help your friend know that you understand the feelings and emotions that they are having. If you can't relate to their problem at all, find someone who can, and talk to them about the feelings that are associated with this type of challenge and how they worked through it so you can better understand and support your friend.

It helps to know that you're not alone -- that there is someone out there who understands your pain, that you have a shoulder to cry on, and that the feelings you have are perfectly normal.

Give 'em a little push
A friend of mine told me recently that the bigger the challenge or problem you're pushing against in your life, the more you need someone behind you pushing you along. In other words, when you're trying to move a heavy rock, it sure helps to have an extra set of arms and shoulders to bear the load. From your objective point of view, you may be able to see answers that your friend is too close to see. In a loving, but firm way, you can give them insights into their challenges so that they can have more options for solutions. You can give them the strength to keep on going and never give up.

One word of caution, you do need to be careful when you push people that you don't overdo it. You can't beat people over the head with a club to get them to see their solutions; you'll only knock them senseless. It is always darkest before the dawn, and it is in the moment of your greatest darkness that you want to give up, lose confidence and quit. It sure helps to have a friend who gently, yet firmly gives you the nudge you need to proceed into the light.

Inspire them
I would dare say that every challenge that we face in life could be overcome with faith. Faith that tomorrow will be a brighter day, faith that this too shall pass. Stay in contact with your struggling friend. Call them just to see how they are doing, pick them up and take them to lunch. Send them inspiring quotes, notes, or cards to give them little packets of sunlight to brighten their way. Even one small star in the night can help to light someone's way.

Love them unconditionally
Love them for who they are as well as for who they can become. I think the truest friend is one who knows your potential, who sees all the great things in you, and gives you the strength, courage and vision to reach your full potential. A true friend doesn't belittle you or love you any less for your shortcomings, but points out your strengths and helps you work to overcome your weaknesses. A true friend leaves you better than they found you.

There is nothing so rewarding as helping a friend to the light. I challenge each of us to reach out to those around us. Instead of saying, ''Oh, that's too bad'' when someone has a problem, actually do something about it! Be there for them, help them, love them, inspire them and get behind that load and push. Don't be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing; just be there for them. As I told a friend the other day, we're not living on an episode of Touched by an Angel here. God isn't going to send Monica in a glow of light, but he does send friends who love us to let us know we are not alone. Be that angel to those around you, and not only will they be strengthened, but also your life will never be the same again.

Marnie Pehrson may be contacted at http://www.pwgroup.com marnie@pwgroup.com.
Marnie Pehrson is an author, creator of www.IdeaMarketers.com www.LocateACoach.com, www.SheLovesGod.com and more. She is the author of inspirational books like Lord, Are You Sure? and historical fiction such as The Patriot Wore Petticoats. She also helps people earn money from home using the phone and the Internet. For more information on her projects, visit http://www.pwgroup.com

Eight Ways to be a Better Friend
by Susie Cortright

Being a good friend is a skill we can learn and improve upon. Here, eight ways to be a better friend.

Number One: Like yourself The first step in having a good relationship with a friend is to have a good relationship with yourself. When we genuinely like ourselves, we become more attractive to other people. We have more to offer others because we are not constantly focused on our own image and reputation.

We become better friends because we don't cling. We are secure enough to spend time with a friend because we want to, not because we need to.

Number Two: Choose wisely Relationships among true friends take a steady dose of time and energy--two resources in limited supply for all of us. Identify the friends with whom you wish to create a closer bond. It's perfectly okay if not all of your acquaintances make the list. The closeness of your connections is far more important than the length of your guest lists.

Number Three: Make the time Friends are important in many ways--so much so that these relationships often take on a life of their own. You owe it to yourself (and to your friends) to make these relationships a priority. Carve out some quality time for one another.

Number Four: Make the first move If you want to improve your relationships, put your fear of rejection aside and start taking more risks. Invite your friends to lunch. Organize a new playgroup. Invite them over for dinner.

Too often, we fail to follow up with our friends. Don't miss out-just make the first phone call. Your friends are just as anxious to get together as you are.

Number Five: The Golden Rule Treat your friends as you wish to be treated. Stated another way: "To have a friend, be a friend."

Focus more on being interested than on being interesting. Be enthusiastic and energetic. Avoid complaining, gossiping, and criticizing.

Number Six: Sweat the Small Stuff Make your friends feel significant by remembering small kindnesses. Notice her new haircut. Remember to ask about her mother-in-law's surgery. Send flowers or a simple email when you know she needs it most.

Number Seven: Listen Good listeners are hard to find, and honing your skills can be a long-term project.

A few tips: -Slow down. Try not to finish your friend's sentences. If you catch yourself planning your response while your friend is still talking, gently remind yourself to focus on the speaker.

-Show her you are listening. Maintain eye contact. Offer nods and murmurs that indicate you understand her point of view.

-Minimize distractions.

-Ask questions.

-Be careful with advice. Assume your friend wants to vent her frustrations, not ask you for a plan of action.

Number Eight: Be loyal We all need someone in our corner. If your friend isn't there to defend herself against gossip or criticism, speak up, and know she would do the same for you.


Susie Cortright may be contacted at http://www.momscape.com susie@momscape.com.

About the author: Susie Cortright is the editor of two "just for you" websites: BestSelfHelp.com, which saves you time and money by cataloging only the best personal growth tools, and Momscape.com, devoted to helping busy parents find balance. Today, Momscape visitors receive Susie's "6 Days to Less Stress" course free: http://www.momscape.com. And BestSelfHelp visitors receive free online self-help books: http://www.bestselfhelp.com

If You Want Other People to Like You, Like Yourself First!
by Royane Real

Many of us mistakenly believe that it’s wrong or conceited, to think we have any good qualities. We may spend a lot of time berating ourselves for our negative qualities, thinking that self criticism is the key to improving our performance. However, a constant focus on our supposed shortcomings can hinder our efforts to make friends with other people.
How can we have the confidence to make new friends if we think we don’t have much to offer? How can we believe that others could like us if we believe our inner being is flawed? Or if we think we are too boring to interest anyone else?

We may wonder what anyone else would see in us if we don’t see any good in ourselves. In order for others to be attracted to us, they must be able to easily see our best qualities. If we focus on our good qualities we will have much more confidence that we have something of value to offer in a relationship.

If you wish to be socially successful, it’s important to accept the fact that not everybody is going to like you under all circumstances. Not everyone is going to like the package you come in, especially on first meeting you. Every person has a unique pattern of likes and dislikes which were formed long before they met you. Don’t think you have to condemn yourself as a failure if it seems that someone else doesn’t like you.

If someone seems to dislike you, the reason for that dislike might have little or nothing to do with you. The person who doesn’t like you might be fearful, or shallow, or busy or shy. Perhaps you and that person are simply a mismatch for each other at this particular time.

Don’t take yourself out of the game by deciding that your flaws are bigger than your assets. In fact, some of the very qualities you consider to be flaws may be irresistible to someone else. For all the factors that might cause one person to reject you, there are at least as many factors that will work in your favor with someone else.

You might be thirty pounds over your ideal weight, but you may have a wonderful laugh and a huge zest for life. There are many people to whom your extra pounds will literally be invisible. You may drive a shabby car, but you might be a great dancer and a loyal friend. There are people out there looking for loyalty, or fun, or sweetness, or wit, and the package it comes in is not important.

If you are worried that you are not beautiful enough to attract friends, keep in mind that not everyone is looking for physical beauty in their friends.

You can decide to feel inferior because you don’t have much money and you don’t drive a nice car. You can believe that this is the reason that you don’t have many friends in your life. On the other hand, if you are very wealthy you may be suspicious that everyone is after your money and that nobody really likes you as a person.

The point is, you can fixate on just about anything and believe it’s the reason you do not have friends and cannot make any.

Here is an easy way to remind yourself of what your good qualities are: write down a list of your good qualities and review it often. Don’t just think in your mind about what your good qualities might be, actually make the effort to write the list. The act of writing helps to reinforce the strength of the ideas in your mind. Don’t be embarrassed to give yourself credit for your good points. If you don’t have any idea what your good points might be, you might want to ask some of the people you know.

When you compile your list of good qualities, be as generous in your praise as your best friend in the whole wide world would be! If you don’t have any best friends yet, imagine in your mind a wise and loving friend who knows you truly and appreciates you. What would that person say are your good points?

Here are some ideas that might be applicable to you. Feel free to adjust this list for yourself and add to it.

My good qualities are:

· I’m kind · I never gossip · I go out of my way to help others · I’m good with numbers · I have a calm disposition · I know a lot about sports

You can keep your list with you and read it over every day. Add to it whenever you think of new good qualities you discover in yourself. Be alert for compliments that other people give you. The positive qualities that others see in you can go on your list as well.

When you are out there meeting people, frequently remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities you have. It’s only a matter of time before you meet other people who will appreciate them too!

Learn to relax. Instead of berating yourself for some perceived shortcoming, concentrate on the good qualities you have to offer. Realize that there is an audience for your particular combination of gifts, and go looking for those people who will appreciate them.

This article is an excerpt from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled “Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” available at http://www.royanereal.com


Royane Real may be contacted at http://www.royanereal.com info@royanereal.com. Click here to view more of their articles.
Royane Real is the author of several excellent downloadable ebooks including "How to Be Smarter" and "Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends" available at her website at www.royanereal.com

Build your social support network
by Linda Dessau

A social support network is a group of people who you can count on to support you. They may be the first people you call when something upsetting has happened, when you have a difficult decision to make, or when you have fantastic news to share. Some of the people in your social support network might be professionals and support you in very specific ways (i.e. your family doctor or your life coach), and other people in your network you might live with or be in contact with every day.
First, let's talk about why social support is important and why it matters to your self-care. Research has shown that a lack of social support (isolation) can contribute to an ongoing state of chronic stress, which will negatively impact your immune system and put you at risk for dangerous conditions.

Now, what can strengthening your social support network do for you? Social support can improve the functioning of your immune system, protecting you from disease, and it can increase your vitality, decrease your stress and improve your self-esteem.

WHAT MAKES A SOCIAL SUPPORT NETWORK SOLID?
STRENGTH – Make sure that you're not counting on one or two people to provide all the support you need. That can be hard on them, and on you (if they're suddenly unable to be there for you). Reach out regularly to several people.

VARIETY – Similarly, having many people in your support network gives you access to their different skills, perspectives and experiences.

COMMON GROUND - If you're dealing with a particularly difficult challenge or have a very specific goal, then finding and regularly interacting with others in the "same boat" can have extremely beneficial results. Whether it's finding out how others have handled a situation, or sharing some of your experience, groups like this can be a great boost to your self-care program.

SOMETHING TO REACH FOR – Make a point of building or strengthening your relationships with people who inspire, encourage and support you, and who empower you to grow and to be your best self. For instance, someone who is very committed to his or her own self-care will inspire you to make positive self-care choices. And someone who is very loving and supportive will help you to feel good about yourself.

5 WAYS TO NURTURE YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK
1. Call or write when things are good as well as when they're not. Sharing your gratitude and appreciation can help to deepen your relationships and will also intensify your good feelings.

2. Be open to new people. You never know when someone new is going to come into your life or the unique gifts they will bring. I believe that sometimes we're meant to connect with certain people only briefly – so instead of thinking, "I don't have time for a new friend,", go with your heart and get curious about what you can learn from interacting with this person.

3. Offer to help. Whether it's people you know or people you haven't met yet (i.e. through a volunteer position), helping others can be a wonderful boost for your own self-care. AND remember that YOUR self-care still comes first!

4. Live by the Four Agreements, as created by Don Miguel Ruiz - Be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions and always do your best. For more information about the Four Agreements, visit http://www.miguelruiz.com/agreements.html.

5. If you don't feel like talking to anyone, talk to someone. Sometimes we choose to be isolated. It can be really difficult to reach out when we feel like this. Do it anyway.

It's important to remember that your social relationships can also have a negative impact on your self-care. Unspoken truths, unintentional sabotage, or continuously taking on the role of care-giver can all add stress and affect your commitment to self-care.

So instead, nourish your positive relationships and keep your social support network strong and working for you.


Linda Dessau may be contacted at http://www.genuinecoaching.com linda@genuinecoaching.com. Click here to view more of their articles.
Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, is the author of "The Everyday Self-Care Workbook". To find out more about the book, or to receive one of her free monthly newsletters, visit the "Resources" page at http://www.genuinecoaching.com.

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Financial Tips and Information
Monthly Bill Paying Checklist
Finding a loan with bad credit 
Frugal Budget Basics 
Ten steps to building a good credit history
Shocking Facts - What Debt Settlement Companies Don't Tell You 
Why Bad Credit People Pay Higher Rates
How to avoid the pitfalls of creeping debt.
Finance, Your Consumer Rights for Fair Debt Collection Practices Act (FDCPA 
Ideas for Saving Money and Cutting Down on Every Day Expenses
Where Does Your Money Go?
Fighting Identity Theft  
Save Money on Groceries
Seven Steps for Thrifty Living
Defeating Debt
How to Draw a Successful Personal Budget that Works

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How to Pack Your Luggage for a Trip
What is Jet Lag and How to Reduce Symptoms

Moving to a New Home
Suggestions on Packing and Packing Check List

Career
Job Interview Tips

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9 Easy to Make Musical Instruments for Kids
Edible Bird's Nest
How to Make Candles Using Old Crayons
Jar Lid and Jar Candle Decoration  
Make a Child's Memory Book
Make Wine Coasters
Rainy Day Paper-Mache
Unique Tin Can Candle Holders

Genealogy
Genealogy, Collecting Your Family Tree

Gardening
Frugal Gardening
Gardening on a Budget
Fabulous Time Saving Garden Decor Ideas
Healthy Garden Soil - Composting; how, when, & why 
Herbs, The Magical Story
How to Start an Herbal Garden

Romance and Nurturing Relationships
5 Romantic Tips for Valentines and All Year Through
Ten Ways to Give from the Heart not the Pocketbook
Fifty Ways to Nurture Your Romance all Year Long

Controlling Anger
Suggestions for Anger Management in Relationships
Anger and Driving, Five Areas of Aggressive Driving

Monthly Arts and Crafts Activities
Valentine Craft for Ages 3-5
Preserving Thanksgiving Memories for Scrapbooking
A New Way to Use Old Snapshots for Christmas Gift
Christmas Scrapbooking Present
Make a Custom Christmas Stocking

Holidays
Valentine's Day and Its History
18 Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day if You Aren't a Couple
Top 10 Romantic Valentine Gifts
50 Ideas to Make Your Romance Better
Valentine Wedding Theme
10 Creative Ways to Give from the Heart, Not the Pocketbook

Allergies
Allergies and Information about Allergies

Food Related
Healthy Restaurant Eating
12 Ways to Eliminate Sugar From Your Diet

Internet Information
Eeeeek! A million web pages are opening on my screen without my consent!
How To Set Up A Web Page and Start Earning Money in Five Steps
How to Make Money on the Internet

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Google Pagerank Explanation
How I Host My New Dot-Com Websites For FREE!
Keywords planning: the first step to recognition
5 Ways to Attract Traffic to Your Web Site
Are You Wasting Your Time With Free Ezine Ads?
Can my e-mail really get through those SPAM filters?
How To Set Up A Web Page and Start Earning Money in Five Steps
How to Make Money on the Internet
How Many Subscribers Actually READ Your Email?
Components of a Great Web Site
Getting into the top ten on the search engines sounds very complex but ...
 

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Ham
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