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So what happens now? Part 1:
Dealing with the emotional stress of illness

Getting sick and then spending years of money and time fighting for a diagnosis and treatment is enough to knock the wind out of anyone's sail. Disability is stressful. Emotional stress. Physical stress. Financial stress. You name it. You got it.
A diagnosis is a welcome end to a hard fight. Congratulations you won the battle, but not the war! So what happens now?

Even if you knew something was wrong, getting a diagnosis of a chronic illness or disease will most likely leave you spinning. To win the war, you have to approach the new you with the same traits that won the battle. Courage. Determination. Faith.

Dealing with the Emotional Stress

First thing is first. Sit down and have a good cry if you need one. The grieving process for your loss, and it is a loss, will go on for some time. But holding it in will only make the problem worse. There is no shame in grieving.

I've been sick for about five years now with chronic fatigue syndrome/ME, depression and symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. That's on top of the scoliosis I've had since I was 8 years old. One of the things I'm known for is my sunny attitude. The reason I have one is that over the years I've learned that it is okay to feel sad about what has happened to me, and that if I allow myself the grief I need, it will not weigh heavily upon me.

Second, depending on your illness or disease, you may have lost some friends along the way. Hug the ones that have stood behind you and thank them for believing in you. They're true friends.

You may feel like the walking wounded right now so taking care of yourself emotionally is very important.

Join a support group with people who will understand what you feel, because they have been there too. Read books about what your body is going through. Knowledge is power. If you understand what is happening, you may not be able to fix it, but you can take preventative measures to make sure whatever you have gets no worse.

Most important of all to your emotional well being is how you talk to yourself. It takes time to accept what is happening to you. Your life may now involve pills, treatments, more trips to the doc or hospital for tests and follow ups. Which can indeed add more emotional stress. A positive attitude will see you through.

Things to do to improve your emotional outlook:

1. Write down a list of all the things that you love to do, that make you happy such as: photography, painting, reading, relaxing bath, listening to music. Make time to do something like this for yourself everyday.

2. Whether it is by prayer, affirmation, or possitive messaging (or all three) tell your mind that you are infusing yourself with strength, energy, and good health. Do this at least twice a day. You can even put a note to yourself by your bedside next to the pills, "I will wake up tomorrow with strength, health, and energy" It won't cure you, but it will open doors for you. People who are positive are more likely to get well. Having a positive attitude will also help you adapt to your new life.

3. Embrace change. Fear of change is one of the factors in stress. Embracing change is a good way to destroy this stress factor. Your illness may make you feel like you have no control over your life whatsoever. I know I felt that way for a long time.

Then I sat down and concentrated on what I could control in my life, and I threw away any thoughts of what I had no control over. For example, I cannot control that I am sick, or when I will be tired, or not tired. What I can control is what I put in my body ( healthy foods, water, medications). I can control what I choose to concentrate my energy on. I can choose my friends, and how I face each day. I decide whats in my power to decide. The rest, I just deal with as it happens.

4. Learn to delegate and ask for help. For some of us this is the hardest thing to do, but it will actually help you and those who care about you. It's possible you've been on the giving end of help for so long that you have no idea to ask for help. You may also not enjoy having things done for you. I know I don't!

Admitting you need help can be empowering. There are probably those around you who would feel useful if they could offer you help, but they're afraid to offend you. If you ask, you're saving your loved ones a lot of guessing. On top of that you can concentrate on what you can do for yourself, rather spending frustrated hours cursing the walls for what you can no longer do for yourself. Always find the I CAN, and you WILL.

5. Most of all. Take your time. You don't have to deal with it all today. Take baby steps to your emotional recovery from the trials and tribulations that illness and disease can cause.

Tomorrow we will discuss dealing with the physical stress of illness in What happens Now? Part 2.

(c) 2003 The Disabled Entrepreneur. All rights reserved.

Andrea Martell may be contacted at http://www.disabledentrepreneur.com or
emailed at andrea.martell@sympatico.ca.

Start Your Day on Your Terms
by Mark Susnow

Most of us start the day like we’re trying to catch a train. We wake up, grab a cup of coffee, look at the paper and listen to the news. We rush out of the house to make an appointment or deadline or to put the finishing touches on a project. From deadline to appointment it goes. When we leave work we have other responsibilities and obligations, and it doesn’t end until we go to sleep, and for some it still doesn’t end. We never do catch the train. We forgot one essential thing. We are the conductor and the train can’t go anywhere without us.
What if you knew deep inside that the train was not going anywhere? What would it take to develop the wisdom that there was a better way? What changes could you implement that would make a difference? I was a busy trial lawyer for thirty years, always running to catch the train. I still remember racing to the court room full of coffee and stress until I realized I was the conductor of my life. That realization allowed me to make life altering changes that continue to make my life more enjoyable, more successful and more fulfilling.

It all starts with creating your perfect morning. This is your morning, no one else’s. Consider waking up to music you love, rather than to the music or news on your alarm clock.

Then before doing anything else take 10-15 minutes and sit silently thinking about all you’re grateful for. Then start to wonder what the highlight of your day could be. From this new vantage point you might even skip that cup of coffee or that cigarette. As you leave your house and begin the flow of your day you look at each experience and wonder if this is going to be the highpoint of your day knowing there is more to come. The concept of looking at the highlight of the day can be used in any situation even one that seems unpleasant. Looking for the highlight in this experience or this person can totally change your attitude. As the day unfolds, if you sense that things inside are heating up, consider taking a little break. You might even stretch for five minutes or walk around the block. As your day progresses the biggest difference is the knowledge that you can be busy and be relaxed.

I have found that starting the day this way increases my energy and efficiency throughout the day. When I leave my house centered and focused there is a much greater likelihood that I can maintain this balance throughout the day. There has been plenty of research by psychologists demonstrating the value of taking the time for morning meditation or creative silence. I have been doing this for over thirty years and very rarely feel overwhelmed. I laugh more and generally enjoy my day. Of course I have my challenges and lose my focus periodically, but not for long. And before I go to sleep I again think about what was most special about this day. The one thing I do know for certain is that there‘s a direct correlation between how I start my day and the quality of my life. Try a little experiment. For the next thirty days start your day on your own terms and discover the dramatic changes that are possible.

Mark

Mark Susnow, formerly a trial attorney for 30 years, is a coach, speaker, musician, and group facilitator who motivates and empowers others to live the life they want and deserve.

Mark Susnow may be contacted at
http://www.inspirepossibility.com  or emailed at mark@inspirepossibility.com.

10 tips to kickstart your self esteem
by Julie Plenty

If you're tired of feeling "less than", afraid of making and achieving your desires and goals, feel that no matter what you do it is never "good enough", then your self esteem could do with a boost!

Having low self esteem takes an enormous toll on the quality of your life. You take fewer risks, which limits your opportunities, both personally and professionally. You are reluctant to voice or acknowledge your needs. You are probably also haunted by past mistakes and making future ones.

It doesn't have to be like this, the tools you've used to (unconsciously) lower your self esteem are the same ones you use to raise it. The following article gives you ten tips to raise your self esteem and improve the quality of your life!

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. If you play this game, you're likely to compare yourself in a negative way and set yourself up for continuing to have low self esteem. Why continue to play a game where you've set the rules against yourself, so that you're less likely to win!

2. Don't keep putting yourself down! You can't develop high self esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Other people will pick up on it and take on board the negative way you view yourself. How are they likely to treat you? Also don't beat yourself up over "mistakes" that you've made - learn how to reframe them so that they work for you.

3. Using affirmations is an excellent way to raise your self esteem. It's the opposite of no 1. If you can program your mind to repeat negative phrases about yourself (and see how effective that's been!), then you can certainly get into the habit of continually thinking (and saying to yourself) positive statements about you. When you do, allow yourself to experience the positive feelings about your statements. Also use inspirational quotes to assist you.

4. Accept all compliments graciously. Don't dismiss or ignore them. When you do you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which reflects low self esteem. It also means that others will become more reluctant to praise or acknowledge your abilities, if you don't.

5. Take advantage of and use life coaching program, workshops, books on how to raise your self esteem and develop a more positive attitude. Whatever material you see, read acts as subliminal learning, which means that it will plant itself in your mind and dominate your behavior. Talk about food for thought - what diet is your mind on? Is it a nourishing one?

6. Mix with positive and supportive people. Who you associate with influences your thoughts, actions and behavior - another form of subliminal learning. Negative people can put you and your ideas down and it lowers your self esteem. On the other hand, when you are surrounded by supportive people, you feel better about yourself, which helps to raise your self esteem. Learn how to develop your positive personal support network.

7. Acknowledge your positive qualities and skills Too many people with low self esteem constantly put themselves down (back to no 1 again!) and don't appreciate their many positive attributes. Learn how to truly affirm and value your many excellent qualities. If you find this difficult, ask others to tell you. They'll come up with things you would never have imagined!

8. Stop putting up with stuff! Not voicing or acknowledging your needs means that you are probably tolerating more than you should. Find out what you're putting up with and zap those tolerations. By doing so, you're giving yourself the message that you're worth it.

9. Make positive contributions to others. This doesn't mean that you constantly do for others what they could be doing for themselves. But when you do make a positive contribution to others, you begin to feel more valuable, which increases your sense of your own value and raises your self esteem.

10. Involve yourself in work and activities that you love. So many people with low self esteem stop doing those activities that they most enjoy. Even if you're not in a position to to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies and activities.

and..............................

Start taking action! The universe rewards action. Backing away and avoiding challenges means that your self esteem muscles become weak and flabby. When you start to take action - regardless of the outcome - you will start to feel better about yourself, develop your self confidence and raise your self esteem.

Julie Plenty may be contacted at http://www.self-help-personal-development.com or emailed at info@self-help-personal-development.com. Julie Plenty is a Personal and Business Coach who specialises in coaching self employed creative professionals to live more creative, fulfilled lives and increase the success of their business
 

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